i am sad

i lost two friends this week. i never met them but feel like i knew them through stories and pictures.

can you be friends with someone you've never met?

i've been thinking about this. i guess it depends on what you mean by 'friends'. according to the big fat dictionary cindy uses, a friend is someone 'with whom one has a bond of mutual affection, typically one exclusive of sexual or family relations.' i guess mr oxford would say that we were friends.

friends are hard for me to find: i don't get out much. i stay at home a lot. and cindy says i am melodramatic and i don't know what that means but i think it makes it hard for me to make friends. so if i accidentally stumble upon someone who makes me laugh or cry or wonder how the world can be so awesome and unfair at the same time, i consider them a friend. i look forward to hearing what they think and how they feel and what makes them mad and sad and glad. i like to share stories from my life and feel understood. i want to care about someone and have them care about me. i like getting to know others and their lives and hopes and fears and what makes them different from everyone else. i like to make others laugh and want them to be happier because i was there; even if it was only for a couple minutes. i may never speak some of these things out loud but that doesn't make them any less true or hearfelt. words i say are gone in a second but words i write could be there forever, maybe that makes them more true and heartfelt?

can you really lose someone you've never met?

there was no place to look to find the 'real' answer. i just know they mattered to me and i cared about them and now i am sad because they're gone. so...'yes'.