it's a hog's life

i must admit my life is pretty good. most of you probably think you know me from whatever cindy balbs about on HHC but she exaggerates: no one is that grumpy or sleeps that much. please.


cindy is absolutely obsessed with my diet so i actually eat better than my humans do. i had ground beef last night, with vegetables and some sort of mushy smelly wonderful stuff from a can....mmmm....it's funny: that's my fave yet cindy gags when she puts it in my bowl. weirdo. and she finally bought bananas!! about time. i could smell them (i think she cooked them??!!) but i have been waiting and waiting...i ate my little face off last night.


i get a lot of awesome insects, too. cindy always leaves them for me to find after the sun goes out. she thinks she's smart but really, you'd have to be a sepcial kind of stupid to not be able to find a cricket, right? i love the crunch of crickets but love the creaminess of mealies...they are both my favorites.


cindy is also fanatical about my cage being clean. verrrrry annoying. she's always picking up poop or scrubbing something with that smelly spray (it reminds me of pickles). i spend all night making my cage a home and she comes a long...every morning...and wrecks it. and the better my sleeping bag smells, the more cindy wants to remove it. she does it all the time - she picks me up and makes a face and suddenly i am in a new bag: no poop, no smell - how do i even know it's really mine??


and she's always rearranging everything...the lastest is fake plants and she's been threatening to add some slate rocks - something about trimming my nails. (heh heh...it's been six months and i still won't let her touch my feet. contrary to popular belief, you can curl up in water...heh heh). i go to sleep in one spot, settled perfectly in my perfectly arranged cage and i wake up 16 hours later and everything is different: there's no poop...there are now plants and rocks...i keep walking into stuff. sheesh.


but still...i guess i've got it pretty good. it's always the same toasty temperature...i can hear a click just before the sun rises/sets every day (a little spooky, actually) and it's always at the exact. same. time. weird...i have not one but two wheels and both are pretty sweet. i like the slanty one more cuz my poop and pee fly everywhere when i get the wheel rockin' - it's awesome to watch!!


cindy, i call her the chief human, is obviously the one in charge of my life.  she gets to do all the fun stuff like cooking and cleaning. she also makes me take baths on days when my cage is really messy. i always know when i'm going to get a bath by the way she says good morning to me: if she swears, it's bath day. <sigh> i HATE bath days. jamie is second-in-command but all he does is let me sleep on him. he's a great heating pad.


i can't really ask for anything more. i always feel safe and cared for and, besides my human's annoying habits of cleaning and constantly trying to engage me in conversation, i don't have any major complaints. i guess you could say it's a hog's life.