i miss you, snarf. i miss getting a huff every time i touched you. i miss feeling you relax when you realized it was only me. i miss our daily 9:00pm cuddle and feeling the content sigh as i rubbed your bum. i miss how you would stop running, then get off your wheel and patiently wait for me to clean it. i miss seeing you cuddled into jamie's neck every saturday morning.
i am so sorry snarf. sorry that this had to happen to you. sorry that we didn't have more time together. and most of all, sorry that i didn't find you sooner so life would have been better for you. i don't think life was easy before we met: mesh wheel; light 24 hours a day; no good hiding spots; no insects; water bottle that didn't work right and worst: an owner who seemed scared of you. i don't think you even knew what a cuddle was before we met.
i hope with all my heart you know how hard i tried to create a calm, loving home for you. i was so glad when you began to trust me. that day in the vet's office where you ran towards my foot i fell completely in love with you. i never stopped trying to earn your love and trust. that's why you always had a mealie close by and a clean, warm hedgie bag and lots of stuff to do. the day you somehow found your way onto our bed all by your teeny little self, i knew you felt like you were at home. that's why, every morning, i let you decide where you would spend your day. i can still see you scurrying around the livingroom and bedroom, trying to decide.
you were so brave. i knew you had trouble trusting me but you let me hold you and cuddle you, anyway. you let me bathe you and your poopy feet; you let me trim your nails; you let me care for me. you trusted me to care for you. you brought so much to my life for such a little guy and in so short a time. i learned that trust doesn't happen automatically - it must be earned. and that all the love in the world doesn't replace good basic care. and if you stop and really pay attention, you can learn a lot about someone. and that a heart can be broken very easily, even by a teeny little creature who always huffed and always had poopy feet.
i will never forget how tiny and frail you felt just before they took you away for the last time. you will always be in my heart. you're my forever 'heart hog' and this will always be your forever home. i love you, little dude. i miss you, little rotter. good-bye, snarf.
I am so sorry for your loss... That was ... I don't know, I keep typing words like "touching" and "beautiful", but they seem insufficient. And now my boyfriend is looking at me with concern and asking why I'm sobbing. Argh. Poor Snarf, and poor you, but he had SO much love. Your love wrote over any of his bad earlier days, and his days ended surrounded by care and love. Hugs to you. RIP Snarf. - moothecow
ReplyDeleteI could not decide whether or not to write. What to say. Most of you on this forum are so young and I am not. Over the years certain things work their way into your heart and soul. You don't know why or how or exactly when. People, pets, other's pets, children of situations.............. On this forum a few hedgies have somehow entered my old and somewhat jaded soul. Miss Hemi, Irwin, Ronnie, Razzle, Herbie, and G. Then there was Snarf. Why? I don't know. Maybe it was his expression. Maybe it was that gruff exterior.Maybe it was his will to survive knowing somehow that Cindy was in his future. But Snarf is there now, in the old fibers of my soul. With my dogs Peaches and Barney and my angel Skeeter whose passing I sometimes think I will never get over. Snarf is with me for a reason; he will let me know why when he is ready. I'm here Snarf.
ReplyDeleteBridgette